A Caviar Ode to the General Election

The more I hear, the more I see

The election and caviar synergy

Thus inspired I am to write a rhyme

And give you offers for Election time………………

 

Blue for Beluga and the Tories too

In from Italy just for you

Large and creamy with some finesse

Dave and Boris, an Eton Mess?

 

Our Oscietra, it is in the Green

That squeaky voice does make me scream

The name Caroline Lucas I can recall

I am afraid the other one, not at all.

 

Sevruga and Labour are in the red

Would you really vote for Ed?

He can be churlish when in the mood

Will he put VAT on your favourite food?

 

Yellow for the Liberals and Caspian Gold

I am sorry to say, all our tins we’ve sold

Cleggie thought that he was the One

Now tins and seats we both have none.

 

Thick of skin and small of brain

With their teeth, they do maim

The ancient sturgeon could it be

Or perhaps the Leader of the SNP?

 

Whatever colour you choose to pick

We deliver your caviar in perfect nick

And when it comes to the General Election

Who will be your House Selection?

 

And then some additional lines kindly provided by a customer, Thelma from Kent:

Dear oh dear I have searched in vain

your website, time and time again,

To find the elusive purple tin

with some of your lovely caviar in.

The opposite taste of Eton Mess,

more loud and sharp and much less finesse!

You see, I live in South East Kent

where Mr.F is keenly hell bent

on winning his seat, this UKIP fellow,

ahead of the blue, red, green and yellow.

So if our Nige wins on the 7th May

I’ll be tempted to celebrate in a big way

with said caviar and bottle of pop,

hoping I will know when to stop!!