Vegetarian Caviar: Why Do They Bother?

From time to time, I come across inventions and creations which seem so utterly pointless, all I can think is “Why do they bother?” Into this category I must put such useless items such as electric pepper grinders, square steering wheels, iWatches and most of the things that I am given for Christmas.

Also falling firmly into this category comes “Vegetarian Caviar”. For some extraordinary reason, some people seem to think that it is a sensible occupation to make spheres of seaweed, add some gloop and pretend that it looks and tastes like caviar. Why, oh why bother? Please dont.

If you want to eat seaweed, fine. If you want to eat caviar, even better. But why would anybody want to eat seaweed while pretending it was caviar? Beats me.

I have tried various types made in Scandanavia. At best, they are tasteless and harmless, even looking a bit like caviar from 50 yards, provided that you have lost your specs.

Last week, I had the misfortune to try a new such offering. It came in three colours: black, red and green. I think that it was meant to represent three different types of caviar/fish eggs, but I felt that it was really to make your vomit look more interesting. All types had the texture and taste of a half digested Haribo sprinkled with salt. It was quite the most unpleasant thing that I had tried to eat for a long time.

So, if you ever have the urge to make “Vegetarian Caviar”, please whip yourself with barbed wire until the urge abates. Thank you.